This is 10

Today Si turns 10!

10 trips around the sun for this ball of fire. She brought energy in to our world the minute she was born and she hasn’t taken a pause since. Yes- sometimes this energy can be difficult to parent, but I would never change her for anything. She has taught me so much in the way of motherhood, patience, compassion and self-acceptance. She is one strong-willed girl and I genuinely hope this is a trait she holds on to.

She has been faced with challenges that I wish as her mom I could solve and take away: but through the struggles, living and lessons, she continues to persevere: building, strengthening, learning.

I have a feeling that the next 10 years will be filled with a different level of learning as we enter the tween/teen years. I am excited for her future, and scared shitless at the same time. I wish I could freeze time now, to get all those life lessons in before her little self becomes too impressionable, too caught up, too…. But here I pause and pray and hope that as we go through this life as parents that we are doing the best we possibly can to ensure we teach our kids morals, values, strength, compassion and most of all so much love. Love that we have for them, that they have for others- and most of all, that they reserve the most love for themselves.

Sienna,

On your 10th birthday and always, I wish you all the love the world has to give you. I wish for you to stay true to you and never let anyone or anything get in your way of your own happiness. Stay strong my girl. But not so strong that you close your world to emotion, too feeling. This world has a funny way of teaching us lessons: sometimes they hurt, sometimes they don’t seem fair, sometimes they are the best thing ever. Through every ounce of them you are learning, you are growing…just try and look for the lessons. Eventually they shine through.

I know this year will get better for you. I know that you are doing everything you can to get through the lows to build higher highs. You will soar. I know you will. You have the ability to not let up when you want something- and because of this, I know you will be extraordinary.

Thank you for teaching me about what persistence looks like. Thank you for teaching me about confidence- in your words, in your actions, in yourself. Thank you for teaching me what it is to love- unconditionally. Thank you for teaching me how to be a better mom to you.

I am here for you always. No matter what. Please don’t ever forget that.

Happy Birthday my sweet girl.

~6 months old~

All my Love,

Mom

One Day at a Time

You know those years: The ones that keep on handing you cards that test you. To test how you’ll adapt, how you’ll ‘roll with the punches.’ That’s the year we have been dealt. 2019 has given us many opportunities to sink: Many opportunities to say fuck it: Many opportunities to give up hope. But instead of succumbing to the negatives, we are trying to find the light. We are building strength and learning lessons along the way. We are at the point where only laughing at said cards seems appropriate; and with this reaction we know that we are going to be alright.

Over the past months, our motto has quickly adapted to, one day at a time. We have been living for the day, not making futures as we were unable to know what tomorrow looked like. This is a glimpse into the reality of mental illness. It is all-encompassing. Not only does it grab hold of the one fighting through, it grabs hold of all those around, fighting for the same cause in a different form. No one can truly understand each other’s positions, which makes it all the more difficult, sad, frustrating. But as we have moved through our year, one day at a time, life gives us hopes and the ability to begin dreaming of the future and setting goals to get us there. Some days are more difficult than others, but forward progress is in the daily steps.

So here we are, dealing with another card dealt… and yet, after the past few months, this one doesn’t seem nearly as big as it would have in the past. I’ll call that … Growth.

When life seems too big, never be too proud to ask for help. We can’t all go it alone. And when life deals you a card, as tough as it can be, look for the lesson…it may just alter your perspective.