This is 10

Today Si turns 10!

10 trips around the sun for this ball of fire. She brought energy in to our world the minute she was born and she hasn’t taken a pause since. Yes- sometimes this energy can be difficult to parent, but I would never change her for anything. She has taught me so much in the way of motherhood, patience, compassion and self-acceptance. She is one strong-willed girl and I genuinely hope this is a trait she holds on to.

She has been faced with challenges that I wish as her mom I could solve and take away: but through the struggles, living and lessons, she continues to persevere: building, strengthening, learning.

I have a feeling that the next 10 years will be filled with a different level of learning as we enter the tween/teen years. I am excited for her future, and scared shitless at the same time. I wish I could freeze time now, to get all those life lessons in before her little self becomes too impressionable, too caught up, too…. But here I pause and pray and hope that as we go through this life as parents that we are doing the best we possibly can to ensure we teach our kids morals, values, strength, compassion and most of all so much love. Love that we have for them, that they have for others- and most of all, that they reserve the most love for themselves.

Sienna,

On your 10th birthday and always, I wish you all the love the world has to give you. I wish for you to stay true to you and never let anyone or anything get in your way of your own happiness. Stay strong my girl. But not so strong that you close your world to emotion, too feeling. This world has a funny way of teaching us lessons: sometimes they hurt, sometimes they don’t seem fair, sometimes they are the best thing ever. Through every ounce of them you are learning, you are growing…just try and look for the lessons. Eventually they shine through.

I know this year will get better for you. I know that you are doing everything you can to get through the lows to build higher highs. You will soar. I know you will. You have the ability to not let up when you want something- and because of this, I know you will be extraordinary.

Thank you for teaching me about what persistence looks like. Thank you for teaching me about confidence- in your words, in your actions, in yourself. Thank you for teaching me what it is to love- unconditionally. Thank you for teaching me how to be a better mom to you.

I am here for you always. No matter what. Please don’t ever forget that.

Happy Birthday my sweet girl.

~6 months old~

All my Love,

Mom

One Day at a Time

You know those years: The ones that keep on handing you cards that test you. To test how you’ll adapt, how you’ll ‘roll with the punches.’ That’s the year we have been dealt. 2019 has given us many opportunities to sink: Many opportunities to say fuck it: Many opportunities to give up hope. But instead of succumbing to the negatives, we are trying to find the light. We are building strength and learning lessons along the way. We are at the point where only laughing at said cards seems appropriate; and with this reaction we know that we are going to be alright.

Over the past months, our motto has quickly adapted to, one day at a time. We have been living for the day, not making futures as we were unable to know what tomorrow looked like. This is a glimpse into the reality of mental illness. It is all-encompassing. Not only does it grab hold of the one fighting through, it grabs hold of all those around, fighting for the same cause in a different form. No one can truly understand each other’s positions, which makes it all the more difficult, sad, frustrating. But as we have moved through our year, one day at a time, life gives us hopes and the ability to begin dreaming of the future and setting goals to get us there. Some days are more difficult than others, but forward progress is in the daily steps.

So here we are, dealing with another card dealt… and yet, after the past few months, this one doesn’t seem nearly as big as it would have in the past. I’ll call that … Growth.

When life seems too big, never be too proud to ask for help. We can’t all go it alone. And when life deals you a card, as tough as it can be, look for the lesson…it may just alter your perspective.

Signs of September

Kids are back to school. Wait, what! Did I really write that. Where did summer go. Am I really ready for the routines and the early mornings, and alllll the driving!? Either way- it’s here.

We have had a year of many years; and our year is far from over, but hopefully heading in the right direction. It is amazing to me that even through a summer of less adventure than normal, the time still ticks by at the same rate. It still flew.

Last night we sat down with the kids and started something new: We asked them what their intentions were for this school year; In sport and school, what are they looking to achieve and how that would look to them. We plan to check in on these part way through the year and then at the end in June. I have recently begun journaling my daily gratitudes as well as setting goals for the next decade. I realized that this isn’t something just for me. This is something that will, I believe, open our kids eyes to a world that they haven’t yet begun. To future planning, to follow through, to seeing how, when you actually want something bad enough, there is a way to keep working towards it.

It definitely enlightened me. All too often we look at our kids through the light that they portray when frustrated, tired or not getting their way. Amazing how in those moments they are no longer 7, 9 or 11…and they are instantly 2 again. And yet, when you sit with them, when you really talk with them, spend time with them, the insights that they offer are blow you off your own seat level!

A few intention highlights they spoke of were: to make new friends, to make a certain team despite current setbacks with the need and desire to try harder, to worry less and find calm more… They had to choose something that had a tangible end although the process to get there intangible, and elicits behaviour change along the way.

Not only did we learn of what their expectations of self are, we also asked them what they were grateful for this summer. In despite of all that has been happening in our house, they were still able to make memories, laugh, love and have gratitude.  Keats Camp, Cultus Lake, some beach time to soak in the sunshine and ocean; Sometimes its the times that amount to the bigger moments- something I have to remind myself of and was thankful to be reminded of, that even to kids grandeur isn’t always better…

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Life sometimes reminds you that you aren’t always in the drivers seat. It needs to slam on the brakes to allow you to take a pause and look at who your are and what you have. From these past 6 months, I am grateful for the family that I have: For the man that has stood by me for the past 20 years and who I will continue to always stand by. I am grateful for the three amazing humans we have created, for the love I have for them and for what they teach me everyday about themselves, about life, about myself. I am grateful for our house that we have built into a home. A safe place for us all to feel content. And I am so grateful for the pool we put in last year…. This summer it was WELL USED.

So School Year 2019/2020…. bring it. We are ready. Arms wide open to embrace what you have for us. To let us learn, grow, love…. and maybe just laugh a little more than the past few months.

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Living in Fast-forward

Well, that was a long pause…like a few years. But anyways, lets move along. I am back to this space, excited to document, to write, to communicate, to share- to remember.

Life. Life has been full-er than the usual the past 5 months. But those past 5 months are what have landed me here again, seeking for more of me amidst partnership and parenthood. I have lots to share, teach and learn from what I have experienced over the past months; but those stories will slowly unfold as I become more present in this place. More present within myself.

School is back in session in two weeks, which means we only have 2 weeks of summer left! Our summer has been a little lacklustre this year, but I am determined to send it out on a high before our schedules become madness again and I put the Uber decal back on the window…only problem: we live in BC where there is no Uber, my kids don’t tip me, and my car would never pass the clean test after the bomb that my kids unleash on it daily.

In all honesty, life has been hard for a while. But it is the hard that makes us rally together, find strength, determination and passion and move to higher ground. I am ready for the challenges ahead. I am ready to be more present in my own life: To be the best wife I can be: To be an extraordinary mom.

So here I am. I am back.

Monday Motivation

Monday…why is it that Monday is such a challenge sometimes!?

Before parenthood, Monday was an entire different ballgame: since parenthood…its just another day! There is no time for rest. In fact, the weekends are our busiest days! Hockey, soccer, baseball, ballet…maybe a date night if we’re so lucky! At least for the most part, my partner in crime is around to help out and spend time together. This past weekend however, he was out of town…which left me running the show- and leaving me short on energy and temper.

So, because its Monday- and I need a little extra motivation- I am going to channel my inner #girlboss.

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Have you read it? If you haven’t…its worth the enjoyable read. #girlboss

GIRLBOSS

Happy Monday!