This is 10

Today Si turns 10!

10 trips around the sun for this ball of fire. She brought energy in to our world the minute she was born and she hasn’t taken a pause since. Yes- sometimes this energy can be difficult to parent, but I would never change her for anything. She has taught me so much in the way of motherhood, patience, compassion and self-acceptance. She is one strong-willed girl and I genuinely hope this is a trait she holds on to.

She has been faced with challenges that I wish as her mom I could solve and take away: but through the struggles, living and lessons, she continues to persevere: building, strengthening, learning.

I have a feeling that the next 10 years will be filled with a different level of learning as we enter the tween/teen years. I am excited for her future, and scared shitless at the same time. I wish I could freeze time now, to get all those life lessons in before her little self becomes too impressionable, too caught up, too…. But here I pause and pray and hope that as we go through this life as parents that we are doing the best we possibly can to ensure we teach our kids morals, values, strength, compassion and most of all so much love. Love that we have for them, that they have for others- and most of all, that they reserve the most love for themselves.

Sienna,

On your 10th birthday and always, I wish you all the love the world has to give you. I wish for you to stay true to you and never let anyone or anything get in your way of your own happiness. Stay strong my girl. But not so strong that you close your world to emotion, too feeling. This world has a funny way of teaching us lessons: sometimes they hurt, sometimes they don’t seem fair, sometimes they are the best thing ever. Through every ounce of them you are learning, you are growing…just try and look for the lessons. Eventually they shine through.

I know this year will get better for you. I know that you are doing everything you can to get through the lows to build higher highs. You will soar. I know you will. You have the ability to not let up when you want something- and because of this, I know you will be extraordinary.

Thank you for teaching me about what persistence looks like. Thank you for teaching me about confidence- in your words, in your actions, in yourself. Thank you for teaching me what it is to love- unconditionally. Thank you for teaching me how to be a better mom to you.

I am here for you always. No matter what. Please don’t ever forget that.

Happy Birthday my sweet girl.

~6 months old~

All my Love,

Mom

Living in Fast-forward

Well, that was a long pause…like a few years. But anyways, lets move along. I am back to this space, excited to document, to write, to communicate, to share- to remember.

Life. Life has been full-er than the usual the past 5 months. But those past 5 months are what have landed me here again, seeking for more of me amidst partnership and parenthood. I have lots to share, teach and learn from what I have experienced over the past months; but those stories will slowly unfold as I become more present in this place. More present within myself.

School is back in session in two weeks, which means we only have 2 weeks of summer left! Our summer has been a little lacklustre this year, but I am determined to send it out on a high before our schedules become madness again and I put the Uber decal back on the window…only problem: we live in BC where there is no Uber, my kids don’t tip me, and my car would never pass the clean test after the bomb that my kids unleash on it daily.

In all honesty, life has been hard for a while. But it is the hard that makes us rally together, find strength, determination and passion and move to higher ground. I am ready for the challenges ahead. I am ready to be more present in my own life: To be the best wife I can be: To be an extraordinary mom.

So here I am. I am back.

Mom Brain

What I have discovered through Motherhood is that ‘mom brain’ is actually a thing. There are different levels to this feeling – but my best description of it is a fog. I feel like my brain doesn’t completely function on a clear level- there is a sort of haze/fog that resides within.

I was at my Doctor today to see if the fog is in anyway related to hormones and how I can feel more ‘refreshed’…if that is even possible! Today I had a vitamin and amino acid IV drip. I have had these injections before, but never have they given me any form of a boost. So today we took it to the next level. I sat for a good 45 minutes as I was boosted up with a concoction of goods that in turn will hopefully up my energy levels, helping the mom brain, only temporarily but a place to start to see if this is in fact the reason for the spacey head. We will see if the energy soars from this magic potion I am hopeful but not holding my breath.  IMG_0393

I realize that sleep is a hot commodity that comes and goes depending on the day and the child. I can’t remember the last time I actually felt RESTED. This is such a foreign concept to me that I can’t remember the last time I woke up NOT TIRED. Is it actually possible to wake up feeling rested!? I’m serious. This is not a feeling I can remember.  I know that parts of this come with the territory of, M.O.M. But I also realize that without ever feeling truly rested my body can’t actually restore.

So now, with Doctor by my side, we are in search of the reason for my fog. And hopefully through the search, I will find restorative energy and mind.

 

Balancing Act

~“Life is a Balance of holding on and letting go” ~ Anonymous

2015 is all about BALANCE. This is represented in SO many different ways- and oddly enough- a fairly knew concept to me. I am one that can’t sit still very well: Guilt actually consumes me when I feel I am not doing enough. Hence why BALANCE has entered my mind…and vocabulary.

“An even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady” is how Google defines Balance.

To some, balance may be an obvious; I am going to go out on a limb here and say that at some point, everyone had to check himself or herself in order to find their balance in life- a type of “Aha” moment for the likes of Oprah.

Prioritizing my life to ensure the important gets done and allowing what is not to move aside, is already allowing me better balance in life.

At this time of year, the word RESOLUTION keeps circulating. I am steering clear of this word as, yes I have a list of things I want to achieve and do better at, but every step that I have taken in my 32 years of being has brought me to this place and time. I am going to integrate these personal goals into my way of life. They are apart of how I want to better myself, who I want to be. I feel like a grown up finally. Yes, that may sound funny, as I am married (for almost 10 years) and have three children, but I finally feel that I can live MY life: I can say yes when I want to and no when I don’t. That if I like ME, than I am being the best ME I can…and that’s all right! My husband seems to think so too. ;-p

Is this a form of balance? I think so.

Balance is a word that even by definition speaks of weight. Weight is something that most people struggle with in some form. Be it wanting to lose some, gain some or maintain. I am no exemption to this. I have struggled with weight on many levels through my years. Recently I came to a realization that, without finding balance within myself, I truly feel I wouldn’t have come to. There is always going to be something about me that I am going to want to change- something that I wished was different. These things however do not define me. Especially when it comes to weight and image. A number on a scale does not define me and I will not to allow this to rule my mood and life. I will take those hours that I could sweat it away solo in a gym and enjoy the moments with my family and friends. I will hit the trails for a run with some girlfriends- because not only does the exercise make me feel better, but also I am able to catch up with friends. I will hit up my local fitness facilities because I have FUN there! I will be healthy and active- forever and always- but the number that it shows on the scale is irrelevant when I know I am doing the best I can. I will never be a size 0, and I have learnt that I also never actually want to be! I have been home to three babies; I enjoy eating and drinking- and although all in moderation is a good motto to follow…the truth is, I ENJOY LIFE!

I have an amazing family. I have wonderful friends. And I can honestly say, that I like the person that I am. 2015 forward is about finding the balance to do and to accomplish all that I want to have in my life. Life isn’t going to end as I learn to say ‘no.’ I am going to love my way through life, maintaining a happy balance along the way.

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